If you haven’t heard that Osama Bin Laden has been killed, you need to crawl out of your cave and check your facebook or twitter! As reported this evening, Bin Laden is dead. What no one is reporting is that this has set in motion the final end times events! Justin Taylor isn’t reporting this. Trevin Wax isn’t reporting this. T.C. Robinson isn’t reporting this. Denny Burk isn’t reporting this. I mean, basically none of my favorite bloggers are reporting this! I thought Doug Wilson would have thrown some sort of Post-Millennial perspective, but even he is dropping the ball!

Everyone is missing this huge event! This will, I’m sure of it, set off the rapture. I’m afraid to even type this message because it could happen now… now that Bin Laden is dead!

I would like to just take this time to thank the American military for ensuring that for the next six months we can look forward to several new books put out by John Hagee and any of the other “rapture watchers” that are out there. Thank you, American military, for ensuring that our current Dispensational literature will need to be updated in order to adequetely reflect the latest shift in the eschatological landscape! Words cannot express the deep gratitude that I have for the fact that I can now rest assured that there will be reissues of the Left Behind series that will be edited to include Bin Laden’s death as a sign that we are absolutely in the last days!

So, on behalf of all Christians, thank you, Mr. President, for ensuring that the job got done! I hope you get free copies of the charts and books, because you deserve it. You’ve ushered us into the final of the final of the final of the final stages of the end times! I mean, this time, we’re really close… just check the chart. It’ll prove everything.

To show my appreciation for you, President Obama, I have made the first official “Bin Laden’s Death is the Key to Interpreting the Eschatos Bible Prophecy Chart.” Here it is for you all to enjoy (click to enlarge):

Update: I just realized that not even Parchment and Pen has released this information! Michael Patton, you should be ashamed of yourself! You call yourself a DTS graduate?!?!

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